also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
