oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
