as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
