i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
