You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
