summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
