I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we should paint friendship bongs
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