No, drunk sperm still make babies.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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