Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How naked do you want me to be?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
