Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
