Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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