One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
