I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
