if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
