I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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