yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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