she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
