i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
