I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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