I'm drive I can fine osifer
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
