The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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