I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
