She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
