just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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