he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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