I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
