Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
