My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
