I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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