Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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