boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
