I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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