mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
