Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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