I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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