My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
