How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
