I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
