he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
