Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
