dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
