I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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