I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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