guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
