I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
