Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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