I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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