Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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