i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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