so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
