i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
home. puking in laundry basket.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
