Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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