I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
