She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
