i just had sex bonerless
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
