I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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