You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
