something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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