I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
