Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
