And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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