We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
