I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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