Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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