I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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