Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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