Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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